There are three main aspects that humanity aspires to achieve; As a human race, we want nearly the same things in our life, which can sum up as follows;
Being wealthy, healthy and having a satisfying relationship especially with our spouse or partner(for others spirituality). Amongst all of these wants, intimate relationship aspect can be the most complex and challenging. However, to make a relationship work is truly simple but yet many couples make it into “rocket science.”
Let’s start with why people make it complicated. It all begins with one’s expectation of others. Whether it be parents, spouse, family, or in the workplace, when the mindset of one person differs from the other, communication becomes challenged.
Although the same language may be used, understanding of the intention becomes misaligned, and people react negatively thus, straying the relationship and then eventually it breaks down.
When people experience a failing relationship, fear and anger developed. Even when they think bygones be bygones and enter into a new relationship, they carry the burden with them. When this happens, they self-sabotage their relationship subconsciously.
Pain vs. Pleasure
Our autonomic nervous system has two divisions – the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. One of the functions of the sympathetic nervous system amongst many helps us to move away from pain and towards pleasure.
This is a good thing for example when we encounter heat such as scorching hot sun (pain). Naturally, we move towards the shade which gives us the comfort (pleasure). However, if one gets distorted with the pain and pleasure concept, then the outcome may be counterproductive.
How Distortion Happens!
If one focuses on past hurt or negative experiences (pain), then one tends to become defensive or wants to win especially in an argument (pleasure), the person becomes so negatively motivated and moves away from pain without realizing this a sure way of killing a relationship.
The right way to go about building a positive relationship is to focus on what does not work (pain) and then work towards the solution (pleasure).
Building a Solution Based Relationship
Since we enter into a relationship with some past conditioning (hence expectation), it is important to know what works and what does not. One has to be brutally honest within oneself and not target the others or the outside conditions.
Eight steps towards building a harmonious relationship:
- Recognize your weaknesses
- Decide on the necessary changes or adjustment needed
- Work an action plan on those changes
- Communicate your expectations with your partner
- Workout a mutually benefiting plan
- Conduct regular self-checks with reflections and feedback
- Enjoy the process regardless
- Have a sense of humor while working it out
It may seem like having a satisfying relationship requires work, however not working on it will invite negativity and may eventually break down. However, having a satisfied relationship can enrich your Being and motivates you towards greater success in your life.