People have an innate desire to learn, to grow, to expand, to understand, and to experience. The purpose of life, to a large extent, is to grow and discover with your other half to complete your life. However, in reality, many feel challenged or even that it is impossible to achieve these desires. What is holding them back or sabotaging their life?
There are three mistakes married couples or couples in a committed relationship make that keep them feeling trapped.
Mistake #1 –Living In The Victim Mentality
You may rebut and scream out loud, “No way, I am not a victim.” However, you may not know that many people have unconscious benefits for being a victim and continue with the negative behaviors.
Needing Attention And Validation. It is an outside-in misunderstanding; only when my partner gives me attention and compliments then I believe he or she truly loves me. This is an outside –in misunderstanding; no amount of attention or validation can make you feel love. You created your label “Being in Love” via the principle of thoughts. Your feelings can only come from thoughts created in the moment and nowhere else.
When you free yourself from needing validation,i.e., praise from your partner to feel good about yourself, you’ll have stability within that fuels your self-esteem and adds positively to your relationship.
Don’t want to take responsibility or accountability. Taking responsibility for your relationship to work can be daunting and hard work. However, it’s the same principle with having“Success” in your life. Do not blame your partner for bad things that happened. You’ll create a victim mentality unconsciously, causing damage in your relationships and your achievements.
Newton’s third law, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The statement means that, in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs – equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.
This principle applies in your relationship with your partner;you get what you put out in direct proportion.
The Need To Be Right. If highlighting your partner’s wrong and making yourself right gives you a pleasurable feeling,you have developed a victim mentality.
However, I understand there are times you may need to let your partner knows what he or she is doing is detrimental to the relationship. Then perhaps, ask this question before you assert your right: “What is the benefit or purpose of being right?” When you know the benefits of being a victim, you can stop it and correct your thinking towards a different path. It is easier to make rational decisions about what to do and work towards a harmonious relationship.
Mistake #2 – Waiting For The Right Time To Make Changes
Don’t sabotage yourself by wasting time. You do not have to wait until everything is just the right timing. There is no such thing as right or perfect timing. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. – Mark Victor Hansen
If you experience obstacles to change, uncover who or what is stopping you from making the change. Are your obstacles external or internal? Is it within your power to make the change or at least influence them? You’ll find it comes from a sense of fear or insecurity most times. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you;take rational and logical steps to impact your relationship positively.
Change requires motivation to keep up a sustained effort and a commitment to reach your goal. Be mindful to change your relationship and where you want to be at the end of your transition.
“Success is a journey and not a destination.” This is especially so in an intimate relationship; it’s a work in progress. Each correct step you take, your relationship will grow stronger and closer. Growth requires self-compassion, patience, and generosity.When you give freely to your partner,your soul overflows authentic love and your partner will reciprocate according. “Good begets Good” and “Success breeds Success.”
Mistake #3: Unclear About What You Desire
You need to be clear about what you desire and the reasons for them. Do you want to work on your relationship or terminate it? Should you change yourself instead? If option one, then how will you do it; if option two, how will you proceed? What are your steps and possible outcomes for each option? Strive toward the desired outcome.
Take disciplined action. You can set out knowing what you need to do. With this information, you can also confidently construct a very clear plan to get you where you want to be. You may require therapy or coaching to make the changes.
You may experience ups and downs along the way, but if you stay positive, confident, and focused on your goal, eventually, you will get where you want to be with your partner.
But, if your relationship is wearing you out, instead of giving you strength and fulfilling the common purpose and meaning between the couple, reconsider your goals and priorities.
Life is too short to settle for “misery!”